I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
