you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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