Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
