there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
