I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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