i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
