Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
