I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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