Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
