He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
