I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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