Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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