I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
