I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
