Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
