Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
