we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
