It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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