i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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