Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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