dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
