Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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