drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
