One girl and one boy is just not enough.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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