It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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