Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
