i think my tv is drunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
