I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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