So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
