i permit you to call me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
