His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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