when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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