evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to align my fucking chakras
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize