Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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