Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
