I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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