Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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