fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
