did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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