Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
