At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
