New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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