I bet he comes in French.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
