You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
