He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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