Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
