I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
