On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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