I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
