Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
