Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
