My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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