oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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