I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
