no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
