Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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