i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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