I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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