I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
