Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
