Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
