chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
