my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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