He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
