I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
