I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
