i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
